Why Lionel Messi should sign for Fulham

We never thought we’d ever see the day where Lionel Messi might ever consider playing in anything else than Barcelona’s iconic red and blue stripes, however after Tuesday night’s news that Messi dusted off his fax machine and sent in a transfer request to the powers that be, every super club on the planet will have taken notice.

Yes, much bigger fish will be circling to offer Leo one of the most lucrative contracts in sporting history, but here are five reasons why the banks of the River Thames is the ideal location for this world beating number 10.

1) Retirement Home of Champions

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He may seem immortal when on the pitch, but at 33, Lionel Messi is not getting any younger. He needs a club where he can play out his final years in luxury.

Fulham has commonly been the football equivalent of a SAGA holiday, we’ll take good care of you, but we’ll also respect your dignity. George Best, Bobby Moore, Rodney Marsh, Damien Duff, Dimitar Berbatov and Danny Murphy have all enjoyed their time at Fulham whilst being slightly past the peak of their powers.

Watch this video below of Best and Marsh taking the piss out of Hereford United and tell me that doesn’t look fun?

2) Beautiful Player, Beautiful Location

Just like the Sagrada Familia in Barca, the Cottage is a historical place of worship that hasn’t been finished yet. When it comes down to it, there aren’t many finer places to show your skills than little old Craven Cottage by the river.

Also, I’m sure the Fulham WAGs will be more than happy to show Mrs Messi where the secret stash of Prosecco is kept in the famous pavilion.

3) Low Pressure

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In recent years, Leo has looked like a man who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Barca and Argentina have been counting on him to single handedly carry them to glory.

At Fulham, you’d undeniably be our best player, but there won’t be any real pressure. You can perform well one in every five games, get us to 40 points and we’ll be just fine. Pura vida!

4) The Cottage Carousel

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Scott Parker loves possession, like, he really loves it. We don’t always do that much with all the possession, but we can definitely make sure the ball is at your feet a lot. We made 1000 passes in a game last year against Millwall, and with Messi in the side, I don’t see why we can’t get that to 2000 against a Palace or a Burnley.

We’ll lose 1-0, but with stats like those, who cares?

5) An Iconic Partnership Made Possible

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One of the greatest tragedies of our time, is that Lionel Messi wasn’t born in the same era as Diego Maradona and therefore we never saw them share a pitch together.

However, we have the next best thing, Josh Maradonomah. Imagine Josh and Lionel both waiting outside the penalty box. You wouldn’t know which of them is going to take the ball, maze past the entire defence and slot it in the corner.

Your Turn TK

There we have it, five excellent reasons why the G.O.A.T. should weave his way to the black and white side of SW6. Also, we’ve had a word with the landlords of the Golden Lion, Fulham’s iconic boozer, and they’re more than happy to change the name to ‘The Golden Lionel’ if you put pen to paper. What greater honour could there be?

Tony Khan, make the phone call, find that £200 million down the back of Dad’s sofa and send Señor Messi this list. It’s truly a match made in heaven.

P.S Tom Cairney, you might need to give up that number 10 shirt mate. Just do it, don’t make a fuss.