Five Thoughts

Clappers-in-hand, 2,000 enlivened Fulham fans, scattered across the Hammersmith and Putney End terraces, witnessed Steve Bruce's Newcastle United claim 12th spot in the standings with a 2-0 victory against Scott Parker's Championship-bound rabble. The loss was meaningless, a formality, however ending the season on a softened high would've been an alleviating vaccine for a torrid campaign riddled with injustice, falsehoods and outrage, but there would be no last-gasp hurrah, no sarcastic adieu, just a prolonged mewl of perpetual disdain and dismay.

Cam runs the rule over our hard-earned point at Old Trafford on Tuesday.

Cam takes a look back - as only he can - at our loss on the south coast.

That relegation-defining nail's dangled ominously for a lifetime and Sean Dyche's Burnley drove it into Fulham's Premier League coffin, reading our last rites with a foreseeable 2-0 victory. Bowing out without a whimper, Scott Parker summarised this condemning defeat with loaded statements, dressed dismissively, holding his hand up to our demise whilst inadvertently accusing unnamed affiliates. Protests won't relieve us of Tony Khan but I genuinely hope that as our distracted, unqualified excuse of a DoF - who's presumably maturing - he'll also own a hefty, deserving slice of accountability.

There was no celebratory slice of Cuthbert the Caterpillar on Scott Parker's 100th game in charge of Fulham. The Whites held their breath, Mikel Arteta's party-crashing Arsenal blew out the candles. No Premier League triumph in the capital in 23 attempts, no victory at either the Emirates or Highbury in the league, ever, and as we digest a draw that stings like another deflating defeat, we're now pondering the possibility of a null and void season, safe for another year in the top-flight, thanks to the timely, albeit despicable announcement of the European Super League.

As the cameraman panned to the touchline, fixed firmly on Scott Parker's grimace, we all felt it. Shocked to the core at the sight of an oily steroid specimen blast his first goal in 16 months, as well as a late, crushing winner for Nuno Espírito Santo's Wolverhampton Wanderers, hearts sunk, hands cradled heads and even the most opinionated of fans was left utterly speechless, staring forlornly at the patterns on living room rugs.

Scott Parker's "Putney River Rats" were drowned out in the closing stages by Dean Smith's resilient European contenders and with Newcastle United scrounging a last-ditch draw against Tottenham Hotspur, salvation is still marginally out of reach, shelved by a north African assailant and an England debutant at Villa Park. It all went a little wrong for the visitors, jeers soon muted cheers and on Easter Sunday, a day of sweet rejoicing and diabetes, a sour taste loitered in the mouths of Fulham's gobsmacked disciples.

The better team won and that's basically all there is to it. Standing with Scott Parker's post-match presser, Fulham were vastly disappointing, discouraging and we deserved absolutely nothing from Friday evening's 2-1 defeat against Marcelo Bielsa's Leeds United. Whenever the Peacocks play, they're accompanied by a media wank fest but in SW6, as they registered their first victory in the capital in 17 attempts, the plaudits were fully merited.

Fuelled by superstition, Fulham lined up against Manchester City with the ambition of withholding Pep Guardiola's runaway league leaders but, as the narrative indulgently scripted a routine 3-0 victory for the Citizens, perhaps Scott Parker will bin off that ghastly quilted overcoat of his and start afresh on Friday evening.

Ordinarily, being gracious in victory is the done thing. Not you, or I, really likes a gloater but in this instance, seeing as Fulham recorded their first win at Anfield since 2013, and our 8th unbeaten away game on the bounce this season, instructing Jurgen Klopp and all the world's insufferable Kopites to kindly stick a 6th-consecutive home loss in a zoot feels so, so appropriate.

We really didn't deserve that loss. The rub of the green went against Fulham, buddying up to Jose Mourinho's Tottenham Hotspur and though this result epitomises our season incomparably, I simply can't recall a more wanky win for Spurs. Another fierce performance, which warranted so much more, ends with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Somebody said we're unbeaten in seven away games. Somebody said we've accumulated 14 points in 8 league meetings. Somebody said we're three points off Newcastle United. Somebody said we're in trouble. I know our next three matches are against Tottenham Hostpur, Liverpool and Manchester City, but can I have a show of hands from those who believe we can impose a few major upsets in the coming weeks? We can't admit defeat, Fulham are marching on, point by point, and we'll give any team in the Premier League a scare.

Spring's in sight and so is 17th spot in the standings. What a difference a week makes, eh? Fulham, before our trip to Goodison Park, were frozen out of survival conversations as mid-February's stormy snap rudely announced itself and as the climate slowly warmed heading into Saturday evening's crunch clash with Sheffield United, brighter skies were and are indeed imminent for the Whites. We'll let the sunshine in with a 1-0 dub, because we're now only three points behind Newcastle United and who would've though that?

Fulham hadn’t won a single meeting against Burnley at Turf Moor since 1951, which is a madness, and that archaic record still stands today after Scott Parker’s Whites held Sean Dyche’s Clarets to a rather boring 1-1 draw. We’ll briefly address the obvious observations of the game: we weren’t good enough, not by a long chalk, and we were clearly knackered following Sunday’s exploits. Nothing drastic, we just weren’t 100% and that’s fine by me if we bounce back immediately.

No win at Goodison Park in 22 worthless attempts? Carlo Ancelotti, mate, hold this freshly poured beer of ours, will you? The Italian sure knows how to clasp a paper cup of undisclosed steaming liquid but when it comes to compounding Fulham's long-standing losing streak, to press repeat on prosaic history, he's our guy. Valentine's Day isn't really for overcooked M&S steaks, wilting roses and singular points. We wanted a threesome and we bloody well got it with a clean sheet, too.

Read it and weep, Fulham still haven't won a top-flight 'London Derby' since 2014, 19 capital meetings and counting, and Saturday's bore score draw against West Ham United was arguably the closest we've come to exiling that embarrassing record, a statistic we just can't shake for love, money or survival.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Leicester City's first win at Craven Cottage in nearly 38 years and without Jamie Vardy, Kelechi Iheanacho, who hadn't scored in 15 outings, throttled his duck to open the scoring for the Foxes, leaving Fulham treading in deep, deep water at the foot of the table.

I've never known a Fulham side quite like this one. It fluctuates, in and out, hot and cold, and though we're cut adrift, up shit creak without a paddle, I can't help but feel there's hope for this consigned, on the fritz ensemble yet. Sam Allardyce labelled Saturday's meeting 'season-defining' and Scott Parker, dismissing the statement, wasn't as twitchy.