Before the whistle, if you'd said to me that Fulham would draw 1-1 against Slaven Bilic's West Bromwich Albion, I would have taken it without question. From such a commanding position, though, our draw against the Baggies feels exactly like another damning defeat.
As it's stupidly hot again, we've a double scoop for you. The bank holiday weekend literally hit us for six and there simply wasn't enough time in the day to pen this article sooner, so I apologise for its lateness. I was drunk for at least three days (and still am now, to be fair) but as our Caraboa Cup encounter with Southampton clashed with the belated scheduling, we decided it's worth covering both to some sort of extent. So, you're all very welcome.
Statement received loud and crystal clear, Fulham are not here to screw around. Neil Harris' high-flying Millwall were unbeaten before their trip across south-London on Wednesday night but deary, deary me, Scott Parker's men pulled their cacks down and howled gloatingly at their *ahem* 'pride'.
Fulham win away from Craven Cottage. That's correct, three points on the road on a miserable night in Huddersfield. Break out the Champagne, we've basically gained promotion and we're only three games in. I've been reading BTEC Leeds United posts in EFL Facebook groups far too much and it really shows.
Nothing quite compares to that sweet, sweet smell of redemption on a Saturday afternoon. If we're deadly serious about returning to the Premier League, a victory on home soil was imperative. Blackburn Rovers, like the Whites, had a point to prove after losing to Charlton Athletic, so we were duly in for a treat of an encounter.
Order, order! We'll have no discontent or ill-temper in this court of inquisition! Venting over a lukewarm coffee, I write this with a pleading sense of rationality, no matter how vexed we were following Andy Davies' damning final whistle on Saturday afternoon.
Pre-season losses against Cambridge United and Burnley aside, Scott Parker's men have spent the last week-and-a-half or so sunning it up in Albufeira, Portugal, in preparation for their eagerly-awaited clash with Liga Nos superpower FC Porto.
Our last away fixture of the campaign and our penultimate meeting of the 2018-19 season ended with a 1-0 defeat at the paws of Wolverhapmton Wanderers. Nuno Espirito Santo's Wolves hunted in packs and restricted Fulham to scraps throughout the confrontation, and if the home contingent had a sharper bite, the score line could have been gruesomely unflattering for the Whites and their plump, penetrable underbelly.
"Down with the Fulham! You're going down with the Fulham!" Our first away victory of the campaign at the Vitality was highly satisfactory, but flooring Cardiff City was by far the most elating triumph of the 2018-19 season, even if Denis Odoi was slammed in the chops by Maxime Le Marchand.
Jazzy Hawaiian shirts, straw hats and an abundant array of novelty inflatables. Fulham were in town to soak up the sunshine and the Vitality Stadium, at least in the away zone, paralleled an all-inclusive sports bar in the heart of Benidorm. Regardless of what the result may be, the travelling faithful were going to unfold their deck chairs and lap up the Easter bank holiday's pleasant festivities.
I've not written a rose-tinted article like this for a very, very long time. Saturday's 2-0 triumph over Everton was undoubtedly Fulham's greatest performance to date this season and for a few hours or so, or at least until I started to tap this paragraph into my keyboard, I'd forgotten that we'd been relegated in our previous meeting at Vicarage Road. It's hilarious what one spirited outing - cradled in a web of disarray - on the banks of the Thames can do to your conscious perception of reality.
Champagne's on ice, cigars are teasing lips and salmon and cream cheese sandwiches are balanced on platters. Let the sadistic relegation party, that's admittedly been long-awaited, commence! We're glad you filled in your RSVP slip after months of endless humming and hawing. What a shitshow of a season this has been in the so-called majesty of the Premier League, aye?
It was business as usual on the pitch this weekend as the Champions came to town and showed Fulham just why they're one of the best teams in the business, all without really getting out of second gear. For one last time this season Jack Collins took the reigns, with Cam Ramsey's international break coming to an end in time to see him return for Watford. Here's Jack's Five Things:
Fulham gave another spirited performance at the Cottage against Liverpool on St. Patrick's Day, but ultimately fell to another defeat as our Premier League lives slowly ebb away. With Cam Ramsey on a short term loan deal in the academies of Thailand, Jack Collins steps into the breach to give his five thoughts on the Liverpool game.
Fulham's late capitulation at the King Power Stadium completely summarises our abysmal return to the Premier League. It really doesn't matter who's in charge, the Cottagers simply don't have what it takes to compete and thrive in the planet's most cutthroat division on a weekly basis. There were glimmers of sanguine in brief spells against Leicester City, but the Foxes stalked the Whites throughout and pounced without mercy.
I can't recall a time where I've been this satisfied after a defeat. Let Chelsea have their empty bragging rights, Fulham have been gifted a new lease of life and it's all thanks to Scott Parker's divine conception. Perhaps I'm getting a little too far ahead of myself, again, but I sincerely hope that we proceed to test our remaining opponents with the same level of courage, resolve and diligence.
The axe has been looming. "Dilly ding, dilly dong", the bells tolled for Claudio Ranieri on Thursday afternoon. Following Fulham's dismal 2-0 defeat against fellow stragglers Southampton on Wednesday night, the desultory Italian's toilsome tenure down by the river is now, finally, no more. Stubborn, chaotic, vilified, the 'Tinker Man' was climatically destined for the chop.
There's an uprising afoot and we Fulhamish lads want you, yes you, to join our movement. Alright, we're not inciting violence, abuse or nuclear warfare, but we as vehement, impassioned supporters of London's Originals have to take a stand as one irrepressible resistance. This 2018-19 campaign has been an abomination, truly, and after Friday night's deplorable 3-1 defeat against West Ham United, it's time to be heard by the masses and the dismissive powers that be.
If you squint at a picture of Claudio Ranieri, you'll notice that he resembles a certain someone. An individual that also dons thick framed spectacles with a shock of grey hair. Twigged it? No matter what angle or perspective you glance at the dumbfounded Italian, shuddering comparisons of Felix Magath creep into the forefront of our vision.